Book Corner: Heaven is for Real

Heaven is for Real
By: Todd Burpo with Lynn Vincent

What kind of read is it?

Not well-written. I had to often skim useless details, but I was encouraged by the account of Jesus and heaven that Colton experienced. 

Why did I read it?

Someone mentioned to me about how he meets his sister in heaven even though he never was told his parents had a miscarriage.  That aspect of the book grabbed my attention enough to investigate.

Favorite quotes from the book?

"The first person you're going to see is Jesus." (p.119)

"Hey, Daddy don't forget," he'd say, garbling the words through a mouthful of toothpaste foam, "Jesus said he really, really loves the children!" (p.106)

What will I remember most about this book?

This book made me feel like it's ok to think about the baby we lost as a person in heaven with Jesus.  Not only a tiny baby.  It's hard to imagine, but somehow helpful too. Also, this account gave me a fresh look at the way that God loves and cares for children and babies.  Jesus does really love children, and there's something really simple in how a child grasps that.

Caveat:

If you run in conservative theology circles you are probably skeptical of this book as something that could distract from the basics of the gospel.  I also read it with a critical eye.  What he says about heaven lines up with ways that scripture describes it.  I didn't find anything contradictory to the gospel.  The book is based on heaven and not gospel-centered.  

The main controversy comes with people saying he couldn't have seen heaven because he didn't officially die.  I can see that point, but don't feel strongly that it's true.  I have known people to have visions or dreams that are encouraging for the body of Christ to hear.  I view this as one of those. 

This book certainly blessed me (besides being very poorly written).  And I felt the drive behind the book was to love JESUS (not spirituality in general) if you hope to be in heaven someday.  Even though gospel specifics were not drawn out (no mention of sin at all), it still encouraged me to love Jesus more and believe his love for me.

Birthday Dreams

I will soon be spending some time with this old friend!

But first: 

Pizza Luce downtown with Gwen, Beth and Bert

Small Group at our house

Filling up some duffel bags

YAY!

Vaccines and Love

Gwen was zonked after her 15 month appointment so she indulged in a soft blanket, sesame street, and a nuk

Gwen got two vaccines at her recent doctor's appointment, and for a couple reasons, it was more painful than usual.  Through this situation, God worked in a mysterious way to encourage my heart.  I've been wrestling with the doctrine of sovereignty and pain lately.  Even though I adamantly claim it and stand on it, my emotions still wriggle around in the midst of it.  God gave me a two-minute glimpse of what it might be like to have unity in belief and emotion and it was such a gift.

Day after vaccines, fever of 101.5 :(

She never sits still like this!

Here is my journal entry from that day, in prayer form:


Thank you for a glimpse at your mysterious love today in the car with Gwen.  I hated that she was in pain from her vaccine and I hated that those diseases that could easily kill her existed.  But I was grateful that by giving her a vaccine, though painful and sad, she can be saved from death.


My love for her gave her pain today.  And I KNOW I did it out of love.  I have FIERCE love to protect her.  Yet I allowed her pain.


You do love me.  Even when Your providence rips open my heart and stomps on the pieces.  You have saved my life.  Thank you for the glimpse of that today.

Her response in asking for a smile for the camera :)  So groggy

I feel the tension that there's more to be said on this topic.  But for now, this is what I'm chewing on and praising God for perspective in.  He is good.  He has saved my life.  He does love me.  Really important stuff.

A Hot Day, 7/13/12

"Smile"

Playing in the playhouse!  Walking has opened up new possibilities in there

I'm loving this swim suit we found at Old Navy

This is before she collapsed in a tantrum of passion for her popsicle.
(I tried to help her eat from the top instead of the side, silly me.)
Her feelings still run deep for those frozen friends. 

Book Corner: Midnight in Austenland

Midnight in Austenland
By: Shannon Hale

What kind of read is it?

Similar to Austenland... same location, a few same characters, but very different story.  This one is a mystery and calls back to Northanger Abbey and the Bronte sisters more (old house, murder mystery, general spookiness).  The main character is divorced and trying to heal from a painful experience.

Why did I read it?

Because I loved the first one!

Favorite quotes from the book?

"But fluttery hope suggested that when she was ready to open back up, perhaps all emotions wouldn't be stones-pressing-chest horrible." (p.10)  

What will I remember most about this book?

Solving the mystery!

Book Corner: Austenland

Austenland

By: Shannon Hale

What kind of read is it?

Witty & romantic (both in the boy-girl way and in the way that thinks outdoor gardens are romantic). Made me laugh out loud multiple times and pleasantly surprising plot twists.

Why did I read it?

Maggie said so.  Which is a general rule for me that works out well (Bleak House, Betsy-Tacy, Twilight, Sarah's Patchwork etc).  Also, they're making it a MOVIE!  No release date yet, but it's in post-production so I hope it hurries up.

What will I remember most about this book?

So creative and hilarious.  And I gasped and giggled with the plot twists with the best of em.  What a fun read!

Surviving the Heat

Kiddie pools are not just for kiddies

Cute smiles help too

Gwen Walks!

Gwen's first steps were on June 28th, and she has continued to practice the art of getting around on two feet.  She loves the accomplishment of it.  And I love having carpet on the floor!

Arms up! (Always)

Watch out world!  Here she comes!

Summer and Friends

Gwen loved having Josiah and Micah to play with! 

Photos from 6/30/2012

Obviously, I am Gwen's number one fan.  So I think these pictures are totally worth remembering.

What compelled her to do this?

Blurry but beautiful

What a nut!

The Windows, George Herbert

Lord, how can man preach thy eternal word?

He is a brittle, crazy glass;

Yet in thy temple thou dost him afford,

This glorious and transcendent place,

To be a window, through thy grace.

But when thou dost anneal in glass thy story,

Making thy life to shine within

The holy preachers, then the light and glory

More reverend grows, and more doth win;

Which else shows waterish, bleak and thin.

Doctrine and life, colors and light, in one

When they combine and mingle, bring

A strong regard and awe; but speech alone

Doth vanish like a flaring thing,

And in the ear, not conscience, ring.

(source)  Sainte-Chapelle in Paris
best. stained. glass.

I love this poem.  The gist of it: I am a stained glass window.  Brittle and cracked, yet when His light and story are displayed through me I become something beautiful.  Not just beautiful, but "reverend" glory is seen when His light hits my glass.  Yes, please.  Make something beautiful out of this cracked mess, Lord.

The last stanza is about how explosive the combination of doctrine and life are.  Think about it.  It's easy to say you believe something, but to LIVE it is what brings the "strong regard and awe".  (There's nothing beautiful about stained glass on a dark night.)  You can say something all you want, but if you don't live it out, then it just rings in people's ears.  If you live it out, it lives in their consciences.  What a sobering challenge.

But really, it's about stained glass windows.  I need more of those in my life!  "Colors and light".

---

I memorized this poem, starting during a very long wait in an ultrasound office.  My mind was begging for something to do other than thinking about my baby being dead inside of me.  So I memorized.  And it helped.

The message of this poem was very comforting to me that week.  I believed (doctrine!) God would bring his glory (which is my good) even from this ugliness.  That even though this world has been stained by sin and death, God has a redemptive purpose in everything that happens to his children.  That Romans 8:28 is true.  God was very near to me during that week to give me faith and the grace I needed to keep going and believing through the pain.

Now I am in the walk of grief for my Baby who I will never hold, hug, or name on earth.  I am asking questions like, how do you love someone you don't know?  What do I do with all this love and longing that has no living recipient?  How do I honor my Baby's life and keep on living?  This is not just about healing and disappointed hopes.  This is about a life.  What about that life, Lord?  Can miscarriage really be that common?  What about all those babies, Lord?

These are what I call 'hard thoughts' about God.  Where my thoughts often have to face the music...the problem of pain and suffering in this world.  This is the 'life' part of the poem.  It's easy to simply say that I believe God is good and things have purpose.  But how do I believe and live when my womb is painfully empty and my heart is torn in two?

There's comfort that these questions aren't the end of my story.  I can still come back to the gospel.  Once I had not been given mercy, and man do I deserve judgement!  But now, because of Jesus, I have been given mercy.  My life and my eternity depends on that mercy.  Jesus was a real person.  Out of love, he lived here on this crummy planet!  He showed us what love was and invited people to come to him and be satisfied in their deepest longings.  God DIED for me.  And He says about a million times in the Bible that he LOVES me.  So if the cross is true then his heart is kind.  


So here is my tension.  Think about the mercy and the kind heart of God, while also thinking about my baby who died and the crushing weight of that reality.  Please pray that I would think often about the mercy, and truly believe he does love me in the crushing weight moments.

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him...

Breiner Weekend, Part 2

Gwen has a fierce love for popsicles. Watch out!

Celebrating 30 YEARS!  Congrats Sue and Jeff!

Morning fishing with Bert!

Singing a duet

Walleye dental work

What a catch!  The fish too!

This is a pretty fish, don't you think?

We ended the trip with a day at the Johnsons

Sweet

 

Gwen taking a breather between walking lessons with Aunt Beth

Emma and "Teeny Tiny Turtle"

Special times with Great Auntie Dee

Love this

Headed home