Hope and Heartache

April 27, 2012 - awe and joy at a new life created

June 9, 2012 - goodbyes until heaven

Dear Baby,

                We know that you are with Jesus now.  He is the One who thought of you, formed you, and spoke your name to begin your short life.  We are so glad he did, even though it hurts to say goodbye to you now.  We ache to know your name, look in your eyes, and know your heart.  But we also know that this world is full of shadows and pain, and joyfully you have been taken home before having to experience the difficulty here.  Your brief life on earth is over, but your life forever in glory is only beginning.  On the night I knew I might lose you the Holy Spirit comforted me with these words, “a life that goes straight to Jesus, is not a bad life.”  I will wait many more days before I am united with my Savior, but you will know nothing but perfect joy with Him.  You are blessed, my child.

                The shadows in our hearts should keep us from joining you with Him, but we have been given mercy, so much mercy, that we will see you there when we come home.

                Our family will always long for you and wonder about what you are like.  We have seen how creative and wonderful His works are, so we know that you also are full of personality, gifts, character, and beauty just like his other children.  Are you a tree climber? A runner?  A builder?  A singer?  In what ways has Jesus imprinted his image on you?  What are you passionate about? Are you a redhead like your sister? What color are your eyes?  What does your voice sound like?  What are your unique talents and abilities?  We are left with so many questions about you.  My heart aches that the years to come won’t bring any answers. 

                Patience.  Trust.  Peace.  Comfort.  Hope.  These are some of the balms to my soul when the questions haunt me.  My Savior knows my pain of missing you, and he is more than enough to carry me through the questions and longings.  The first time I waited as the midwife searched for your heartbeat, the Lord spoke to my heart, “Trust Me.”  I will press on to trust him through each wave of grief for you, my child.  I awoke singing this verse that same day: “But the Lord is faithful. He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3.  So I will lean on him to sustain me through heartache, because I know during the moments I fail, my faithful Father “gives more grace” (James 4:6).  He made you, for that I will always be thankful.  And I will trust Him for his glorious and mysterious purpose for your life.

We love you forever,

Mom and Dad

“Let us take our lot in life just as it comes, courageously, patiently and faithfully, never wondering at anything the Master does… he has some reason for doing so… if you have real faith in him, you will not insist on knowing the reason.” –Elizabeth Prentiss