Limitations

A few more thoughts on this pregnancy keep bugging me to be blogged.  Mostly for way of actual update and cataloging what this experience has been like down the road.  I've already mentioned the nausea factor that dominated the first 20 or so weeks, but then the fires of Mordor, aka heartburn, started up.  And the hip pain when my leg continuously slipped out of place.  That was pretty much the second trimester, until yoga started, which helped hip pain tremendously.

This third trimester, so far, has been all about contractions.  At first I thought they were just Braxton Hicks, the normal type that goes away when you drink enough water and rest.  Those are just an exercising of the uterus getting ready for the marathon that is labor.  At my 27 week appointment my midwife mentioned that they're nothing to worry about unless I'm having more than 6 an hour.  And less than a week later hard contractions came rolling in every 15 minutes, and then every 10 minutes.  I tried to take a nap and they woke me up.  I was guzzling water and taking the prescribed bath and they still rolled on.  It was unnerving. My midwife recommended "coming in" which meant a late Sunday night trip to the hospital to check things out and make sure that this wasn't real labor starting.  Thankfully there was no change in my cervix from all those contractions, so preterm labor wasn't officially starting and baby was safe for now.

In the past 4 weeks I've been stuck somewhere between Braxton hicks and hard contractions that smack of preterm labor, which has been stressful.  Contractions were still coming mostly in afternoons and evenings, and often would be close together and quite intense.  The contractions problem is partly due to stress itself.  It turns out that remodeling a room for Gwen and getting her moved into it were making me a little crazy.  Labor Day weekend hit and all of a sudden it was time to stop playing summer and start preparing for baby. My brain and emotions didn't take the switch very well.  The to-do list was endless and time was short.

We've spent the last two weeks making serious adjustments after getting a firm command from my midwife to "do less" and "ask for help."  Thankfully it seems to be helping.  I had to let go of the task list mindset and just be flexible about when the room would get done.  Bert has been a superhero about absorbing more of the kitchen tasks that seem to amp up my contractions, and tasks everywhere else in the house too.  He is amazing.  My mom has been spending a day with Gwen most weeks of the month.  Gwen and I have cut back on daily outings.  And I am generally making myself sit down and rest or take a nap more than I was letting myself before.  It's been a lesson in learning, and ACCEPTING, the limitations of my body and having respect for those instead of just disregarding them.  That is hard to do when a cute little girl just wants you to "hold me up Mommy."

So where do we go from here?  I'm still having a few evenings each week of intense contractions but thankfully they stop when I sleep for the night.  My mental goal is to keep contractions at bay for the next month, and keep resting.  Drinking lots of water and taking my vitamins.  No walks just for fun in the fall air.  No moving furniture or boxes.  Limited cooking and dishes.  No standing for long periods of time.  We want this precious baby to be FULL TERM and super healthy.  However, once we make it 36-37 weeks I'm totally going for a walk!  Hopefully the sidewalks won't be icy in mid-November.

On the spiritual side of things, it's been a real challenge to humbly accept the path God's chosen for this pregnancy.  It's been hard to be sick for so long and physically out of control of my body, not to mention having my activity choices potentially impact the health of my son. God has been gracious at a few different times to convict me of my complaining heart.  My main weapon for joy in this situation is thankfulness.  I still have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  I know this, but God's been doing a work in my heart through praying for thankfulness lately.  He's graciously breaking through my self-focused attitude and helped me see the eternal value of the life I'm carrying.  He's reminding me that of course it's hard work to BRING A NEW PERSON INTO THE WORLD.  This is an important job and it's an honor to get to do it.

This week Bert and I have officially agreed about the baby's name, and I've started to be able to pray for him by name.  This has been such a sweet joy.  I accidentally started crying during yoga about how special it is to pray the Numbers 6 prayer for him by name, as it's a song I sing over Gwen daily.  Those are the moments of thankfulness that make the contractions anxiety no big deal.  My God is big and powerful, and surely he will give me the wisdom and strength I need to accept my limitations as I carry this baby.  I just need to keep asking for it.