Vaccines and Love

Gwen was zonked after her 15 month appointment so she indulged in a soft blanket, sesame street, and a nuk

Gwen got two vaccines at her recent doctor's appointment, and for a couple reasons, it was more painful than usual.  Through this situation, God worked in a mysterious way to encourage my heart.  I've been wrestling with the doctrine of sovereignty and pain lately.  Even though I adamantly claim it and stand on it, my emotions still wriggle around in the midst of it.  God gave me a two-minute glimpse of what it might be like to have unity in belief and emotion and it was such a gift.

Day after vaccines, fever of 101.5 :(

She never sits still like this!

Here is my journal entry from that day, in prayer form:


Thank you for a glimpse at your mysterious love today in the car with Gwen.  I hated that she was in pain from her vaccine and I hated that those diseases that could easily kill her existed.  But I was grateful that by giving her a vaccine, though painful and sad, she can be saved from death.


My love for her gave her pain today.  And I KNOW I did it out of love.  I have FIERCE love to protect her.  Yet I allowed her pain.


You do love me.  Even when Your providence rips open my heart and stomps on the pieces.  You have saved my life.  Thank you for the glimpse of that today.

Her response in asking for a smile for the camera :)  So groggy

I feel the tension that there's more to be said on this topic.  But for now, this is what I'm chewing on and praising God for perspective in.  He is good.  He has saved my life.  He does love me.  Really important stuff.