Thank you to everyone who prayed for us. There was a literal answer to prayer for me. Within minutes of asking people to pray, my ibuprofen stayed inside my body and my pain (which was 8.5) slid down to a level 6 so I could breathe and lay perfectly still without writhing. It was so wonderful. So, really, THANK YOU. It's cool to see God answer in such a moment of need.
And now. Feeling numb about grief. I know it exists like an elephant in the room, but it's like my brain has forgotten even how to think about it with all this other health stuff going on. Focusing on resting, getting strong enough to lift Gwen out of her crib without hurting, and looking at tropical pictures online. Is that ok? I hope so.
Sometimes I whisper Ezra's name and remember that he was real. And pictures of newborns make me want to cry uncontrollably when I think about how Joey would've looked today if he were here. And then I shut down those thoughts. Because they hurt too bad.
So here I am, quite numb for the moment. Maybe that is grace too.
It is grace! I's too overwhelming to deal with the pain all at once. While it feels annoying to have to grieve for such lengths of time, it would be crushing to march right through it, so He doesn't let us. It is a common human reaction, and I'm convinced it's a God-given good one.
ReplyDeleteI could hardly believe it, when I heard. Stomach flu. Another Christmas celebration interrupted... It will be interesting to know what He was doing.
Prayers continue from here.
Lindsay